HIPSTER T-SHIRTS AND FACEBOOK MEMES [vs Doubt]

[Ordell, dressed today in trousers, shirt and sweater vest rather than in his usual roman attire, stands in a classroom. He wears glasses just to complete the stereotypical teacher look. Behind him is a chalk board filled with equations. In one hand he holds a pointy stick. Ahead of him is a solitary student, watching intently from behind one of those wooden desks that open on hinges. Ordell speaks]

“One of the greatest minds in recent history is often trivialised to provide hipster T-Shirt designs and Facebook memes.

His work studies the atoms that make up all life, their position, the speed at which they move and how this all works, yet people just latch on to the “dead cat thing”. I am of course speaking about Erwin Schrodinger.”

[Ordell slams the pointer against a section of the board, where we can now see “Erwin Schrodinger” clear as day]

“Most people know Schrodinger’s Cat. incorrectly thinking of it as the shining beacon for an example of a paradox. It is, by definition, a perfectly acceptable paradox, as far as it contains two opposite facts that make the statement seem impossible, but that is not the reason or purpose that Erwin came to present this thought experiment.”

[The student starts to put a hand up and takes a quick intake of breath. Ordell slams the pointer on his desk now]

“Good question.”

[He looks disappointed that Ordell ruined his question, even if in a few seconds it turns out he did guess it right]

“It was an attempt to put quantum physics into layman’s terms, to explain how complicated science things made sense in a real-life scenario. So a cat and a vial of poison are put in a box, along with a radioactive substance with a Geiger counter attached, and when radioactivity is detected the vial is opened and that kills the cat. Without opening the box you can’t know if the vial is open and therefore if the cat has been killed. Boom, the cat is both alive and dead until the box is opened. That doubt is always there otherwise.”

[Ordell puts his free hand to his forehead and shakes it lightly]

“Of course, the cat is never both, but this was an attempt to explain quantum superposition and wave theory. Quantum superposition states that until there is a definitive measurement determining which state an atom is in, it is considered to be in all states at once, and wave theory is that the probability of each of these states ebbs and flows until this measurement is completed.”

[Ordell now circles the student]

“This terminology doesn’t seem to hit home, so consider this. You are walking down a street and you see someone you vaguely recognise, and you can’t quite remember their name but you’re pretty sure it’s Dave or Frank. As you try and remember, the probability of that being the correct name shifts to whichever you’re favouring, until you take a finite measurement – you greet them, “Dave!” and they either greet you back or shoot you an evil look. At that point, the probability becomes 100% Dave or 100% Frank, eliminating all uncertainty, all doubt.”

[He makes his way back towards the board, picking up an eraser on the way]

“And there we have it, the probabilities are ever changing, just head down to the bookies and try and place a bet on us this week Doubt, the odds are never the same. You may be uncertainty incarnate but I am an unknown entity here in the OSW. Do you really think you can read me from a single match? I think you underestimate this power I feel from Janus. I think you don’t really know me at all. I mentioned a measurement before that singles out which state an atom is in. The finite measurement that will eliminate doubt in this equation is our match, and that is exactly what I intend to do – ELIMINATE DOUBT.”

[And with those last words, Ordell erases everything from the chalk board, leaving just a small picture of a cat waving from a box]