LINGUISTICS I: MEANING

What are words without meaning, class?

Language is a beautiful thing. In the right hands, and escaping the right lips, language is such a powerful entity that it is almost the ultimate magic. The definitive weapon. It’s why as an academic I lean towards linguistics and why I still enjoy a good book more than almost anything else.

Take “I have a dream” as a phrase. Just four little words. Common words, said many times before and after Martin Luther King Jr spoke them, but now those four little words are imbued with so much more than the dictionary definitions.

Although there are some great examples of remarkable uses of our language forever chronicled by books, or music, or video, or more recently the internet, there is a lot of language that is just pointless. Words for the sake of words.

Did you know that ‘Sahara’ is Arabic for desert? Calling it the Sahara Desert is just telling someone it’s a desert twice. Did you know that the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis means lung damage from inhaling volcanic ash? No, because it is literally quicker to describe the word than say it. There’s no need for such a word in the modern lexicon – studies have shown that for English speakers, a pool of around 100 words will make up half of the words you will ever use. People are naturally limited.

That is part of the reason that words are so precious. They have the potential for such power, but such power to quell potential.

And as much as words and language have always intrigued me, there is no doubt that there must be a point to what I read or listen to.

Before I came to Miami, I knew of the Tap Room. I was aware of the great mind tricks doled out with almost as much punch as the actual punches by a man who has long been top of the mountain. Edward Newton. The Riddler.

I watched his appearances with such interest because of the way he manipulated his opponents with his phrasing. The way his riddles hit home with such simplicity, yet were seldom guessed. I would be lying if I said he wasn’t at least part of the reason I came to ply my trade in OSW.

But that Edward Newton is no more. The Edward Newton of now had to resort to a fake relationship with his opponent’s sister. The Edward Newton of now doesn’t riddle in the way he once did. Newton isn’t the Riddler after all. Just a chancer with access to Google who finally ran out of other people’s meaning to steal for his own.

Now?

Newton is as useless as the language he proclaims to excel at. As useless as the knowledge that the dregs of a drink left in a glass are known as a heeltap. But at least he can put that word to good use. He likes riddles, so here’s one for him: What’s the same about a leftover pint glass at your local pub, and Edward Newton at the next VHS?

He’ll tap.