THE POLICEMAN PROTOCOL

Pigs. Scum. Feds. The Filth.

You’ve heard these all before though.

Am I right?

I looked it up and found over 100 slang words for the police on Wikipedia. Incredible! 100 different ways to refer to the men and women who have pledged to protect our people. And would you like to hazard a guess how many of those slang words are positive? I’ll clue you in detective, it’s not many.

And the reason for this is simple. Everybody hates the police. The police are a symbol for everything wrong with the world. A uniformed reminder of what the establishment want to project onto the public. A baton-wielding enforcer of misplaced ‘justice’.

As a supervillain, I think it’s obvious why I hate you. I hate you because you try to stop me completing my plans and fulfilling my vision of a better world, and even worse you’re being PAID to do it. I am trying to make the world better out of the goodness of my heart, and the government actively incentivises you to interrupt my endeavours.

It’s distressing.

But this isn’t the point here. You know this already. What’s funny is that the superHEROES hate you too. I know. Newsflash. But you are nothing but a regretful annoyance to them. You see, superheroes think they are being good guys, and they think to be a good guy they must keep the status quo, which involves taking out the likes of me. But at least superheroes will break the odd rule when they think it’s the right thing to do. I almost respect them for it. They see the outcome as the primary objective.

Whereas you PC Plods, you see the process as the primary objective. You follow the rules down to the minutest detail, even at the expense of the right outcome. Families have been let down over and over by your insistence on following protocol.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are SOME police who will break process, ignore rules, and cast aside protocol, but they are the worst of all, because the only policemen who do the above? A bent cop. A racist asshole. A power-crazy narcissist. Easy way to make quick money? Sure, I can look the other way! A Black man in a nice car? Sure, I can accidentally lose the footage of the police brutality! Never in my life have I ever heard of a policeman breaking the rules for the good of the public. No.

So tell me, why should anyone care about a local yokel like you, Nightstick? You sure aren’t going to help the villains of the world, and you sure don’t care about being a hero, so where do you sit? You’re the magnolia on the walls of society, permanently stuck with one leg either side of the fence, and acting as a puppet for the privileged elite to control the population.

So do me a favour Nightstick. Take that taser in your utility belt and give yourself a shock to the system, and maybe you’ll see the system you serve needs a shock of it’s own.