THE ENDING ELECTION

All things end.

No matter how hard you try, or what lengths you go to – all things always end.

Plans end. Kingdoms end. Dictatorships end.

Life ends.

For all my bluster, I am not yet immortal, and will one day perish just like the rest of the peasants who fill this depressing reality. I am aware of my own mortality, and that is why I attack things with so much intensity. That’s why I never hold back with my plans.

I take things as I want them because who knows if I’ll get another shot.

It’s important to understand that endings aren’t paint-by-numbers either.

Some endings can be merciful and quick. Take my forced cohorts this week, the wannabe Union of Thieves. They met, they looked into each other’s eyes and they instantly fell in love. With the same car. Before you know it, it’s a few hours later and there’s no love lost between them. No longer a union, and no longer on speaking terms. In and out, just like that.

Other endings, they come slow, with a fantastic build up. Take the Vindicators. The rising tension with those guys has been astounding to see. And the fall from grace was practically ORGASMIC. And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of guys. But that is beside the point.

The point is that they did not get to choose their ending. Few people in this world do. They were held to ransom by an unknown force for weeks and eventually they were put out of their misery. Well, as “out of misery” as you can be with Gameboy dead as a burnt-out cartridge in the trash.

I’m sure that Redwing, Berengar and Spero – had they known what was coming – would all have chosen a much faster ending to their war with the unknown, and I’m sure now that they have the God of Mischief facing them down, they will wish for a hasty dismissal too. But I am just as sure that Loki will toy with you, rather than grant your request, so let me be the nice guy for once, and only this once.

I can take it all away for you. This pain. This torment. You can plump for a torturous and unhurried dismantling at the hands of the artist formerly known as Solveig, or I can end it for you now. I can take you away from your collective strife this coming week in front of the bottom feeders in the Tap Room audience! Doesn’t that sound so lovely and nice?

Just this once, you can choose your ending, like one of those old Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books, or one of those old path driven Atari games that Gameboy would have been so proud of. So, think of him, God rest his soul, as you make your choice. And this week, at VHS, turn to page 163…

…and meet your swift and merciful end.